


closer to me

by lettertotheworld



Series: see our reflections [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, beau gets hurt but she's fine, can you tell the mirror is my favorite character, spoilers for 115 probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27491992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lettertotheworld/pseuds/lettertotheworld
Summary: When she goes to sit up and shrug out of her coat, Beau protests, but she dismisses her with a shush, drapes her coat over Beau like a blanket.“Thanks,” Beau says as Yasha lies back down. “I read your letter.”
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: see our reflections [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954642
Comments: 10
Kudos: 246





	closer to me

**Author's Note:**

> hoo writing this was like pulling my own teeth. i wanted to wait until after they talked about the letter but god it's making me insane and i can't look at these words anymore

They understand each other too well, Beau thinks, so there’s no room for anger or heartache. Yasha gets her. Yasha is patient and Beau waits. Because a frozen wasteland doesn’t really lend itself to romance. Or, maybe it completely does. Maybe this is exactly right for them.

She doesn’t know how Yasha did it, how she bled her heart out and watched the paper soak it up. Beau can’t _do that_. She’s tried, because wouldn’t that be nice if she wrote a letter in response to Yasha’s. But she ends up hating every attempt, ends up ripping out every page from her notebook until she’s carrying around a bunch of crumpled up papers because she doesn’t have anywhere else to put them.

Caleb would hate her if he knew how much paper she’s wasting. And the thought of that kind of only makes her want to keep doing it.

“Beau,” Yasha’s voice calls from behind her, nearly has Beau tripping in the snow they’re trudging through. “I think you dropped this.”

She waits for Yasha to hold it out to her, narrows her eyes as she studies it, but it takes her mere seconds. It’s a balled-up piece of paper. One of her many attempts at a romantic gesture.

She snatches it from Yasha’s grasp and quickly shoves it back into her bag, laughs nervously.

“Sorry,” she says. “Uh…thanks.”

Yasha just offers her a small smile that kicks up a flutter in Beau’s chest.

“You’re welcome.”

She should tell her. She should tell her right now that she read the letter, that it made her feel something deep. But they’re on their way into potential enemy territory, so it’s bad timing. But fuck, when is it _not_ bad timing. Nothing or no one can tell her when to do this. She has to choose, and with Yasha walking next to her in the group, with her heart pounding in too quickly of a rhythm, she decides to let the moment pass.

“So, it’s…pretty cold,” she says instead of anything remotely substantial.

“Do you want my coat?” Yasha asks, and the thought of taking any amount of Yasha’s warmth for herself makes her feel bad, which…surprises her.

It’s a new thing for her, caring about someone so much. She has to be conscientious where she never was before, has to be kind and mindful.

“No,” Beau says, shakes her head. “No, you’ll freeze. Keep it.”

Yasha lifts her shoulders shyly.

“Okay. But if you need it, just…I really don’t mind the cold.”

“Sure, sure,” she says, nods along in agreement, and Yasha’s offer brings to mind one of her own, the small seed of it sprouting in her head. She truly doesn’t know how to provide comfort, but she will always try. “Hey, uh…so, the thought of seeing Molly, or… _not_ Molly sort of makes me super uncomfortable. And I can’t imagine what it feels like for you.”

Yasha’s brows pinch together in a frown.

“Yeah, it’s…weird.”

“Right? So, you know, I’m here,” Beau says with a shrug, tries to keep her tone casual. “If you need anything.”

Yasha is quiet for a moment, meets Beau’s gaze, and Beau can see it on her face, all the things she must be thinking.

“Thank you,” Yasha finally says, and Beau breathes a little easier hearing something that isn’t silence. “That means a lot.”

Beau just waves a hand and blows out a breath of air.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. It’s the least I can do, after…” Her eyes widen, and fuck fuck fuck, she’s so close to bringing up the letter, she might as well just fucking _say it_. “Just, you know, after everything.”

Yasha doesn’t say anything else, but when Beau steals a glance at her from the corner of her eye, Yasha’s smiling to herself.

Beau’s already starting to bruise, blood stained clothes clinging to her in what must be the most uncomfortable grip. She’s healed as best she can be, and Yasha had placed a hand on either side of Beau’s face in the middle of the fight, so she’s used up the small sliver of magic she has.

She ignores the clamoring of everyone else and carries a shivering Beau up to her room. When she goes to put Beau down on her bed, Beau doesn’t release her arms from Yasha’s neck, so Yasha gets pulled down, has to bring her hands to the bed on either side of Beau to catch herself and avoid crushing Beau.

“Don’t leave,” Beau begs.

She’s delusional, Yasha thinks. Mind foggy from battle and blood loss. Beau is vulnerable right now, and it’s an impossible thing for her to refuse. So, she finds herself settling down in bed next to Beau, lies awkwardly on her back and stares up at her own reflection.

She’s still wearing her coat, she realizes, and Beau didn’t want it earlier, but she will take it now. Yasha will insist and she’ll have to.

When she goes to sit up and shrug out of her coat, Beau protests, but she dismisses her with a shush, drapes her coat over Beau like a blanket.

“Thanks,” Beau says as Yasha lies back down. “I read your letter.”

Yasha’s stomach drops with the words, like she’s had the breath knocked out of her. Like the entire world has been pulled out from under her.

“You did?” she asks, and Beau nods. “Yeah, it was…dumb, but…”

“No one’s ever done the things you do for me,” Beau interrupts softly.

She tries to breathe, tries to watch their reflections. Beau has her eyes closed, has the slightest ghost of a smile playing at her lips, and Yasha exhales slowly.

“I’m glad I could…be that. For you,” she says, and yes, this is much easier on paper.

“But, I mean, it wasn’t, like…a friend letter, was it?”

Yasha blinks.

“Well, I didn’t write one for anybody else.”

Beau goes so quiet for a moment that Yasha wonders if she’s fallen asleep, and does she stay? Does she leave? Eventually, sure, but if Beau’s asleep, then she’s not going to need her. She could sneak out and they could have this conversation when Beau isn’t half out of it.

“It’s new,” Beau says, and even though her voice is soft, it still startles Yasha. “This…doesn’t happen to me, so…I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I wasn’t expecting, you know…I just wanted you to know how I feel. And when you think no one cares, I wanted you to know that I do. So…” She looks beside her at Beau, catches a glimpse of green on the side of her neck. She doesn’t know how much is too much all at once, so she steers them in a different direction. “I wanted to include something about your scars and your tattoo, but…”

“You mean about how badass they are?”

Yasha smiles at her even if Beau can’t see it, even if her eyes are closed, and she watches a tear fall from the corner of Beau’s eye. But Beau is still smiling.

She reaches out and runs her thumb over Beau’s temple, over the tear track, careful to avoid Beau’s bruised cheek. When Beau finally opens her eyes and turns her head to look at her, all Yasha can think to do is make her feel better.

“You know, before you, before _all_ of you, I was very closed off. A year ago, I never would have done something like that for anyone. But I think…I really like feeling like this. And I’m very grateful.”

Beau’s grin is small as she looks up at them in the mirror before she closes her eyes again, begins to drift.

“Me, too.”

“Do you still want me to stay?”

“I always want you to stay,” Beau says, and Yasha is soon left with silence.

She’s awake early the next morning, not like she could sleep well in the first place, alternating between waking to every one of Beau’s shifting movements and pained grunts and staring at her own reflection until she fell into a light sleep again.

The pancakes are making up for it, and she’s halfway through her stack when Beau walks in. The air immediately becomes less breathable as Yasha watches and waits.

“Pancakes?” Beau wonders, nodding at Yasha’s plate as she comes to sit in the chair beside her.

“Yes,” Yasha says too quickly, nearly chokes on the bite she has in her mouth. “You should eat. Do you want…?”

“Oh, no, thanks. Kind of just want some hot cocoa, to be honest.”

Within seconds, there is a cat bringing Beau hot cocoa, and they fall into the sounds of plate scraping and mug sipping for several moments.

“How do you feel?” Yasha asks, unable to stand it any longer. “With the…”

She makes a gesture with her hand meant to convey an attack, and Beau shakes her head.

“No, yeah, I’m…it’s fine. I’m great.”

“Were you scared? I mean, after. Or…ever.”

“No, that was…it was nothing.”

“I was,” Yasha says, and Beau’s gaze is just as sincere as it had been last night. “I was a little scared.”

Yasha can see her mulling it over in her head, everything she wants to say, and she watches the slight curve of Beau’s mouth as she grins, notices a smidge of hot cocoa on Beau’s upper lip.

“You know me,” Beau says quietly. “I’ll fight anything.”

“Yes, I do know you,” she says.

And when she reaches out, it feels like wiping the tear from Beau’s face. It feels like their last night in Zadash. Like she’s brushing glitter from Beau’s face without a second thought, staring at her fingertips and watching them glimmer in the dark room after everyone else is asleep. She uses her thumb, and Beau’s eyes track her movement then meet Yasha’s own. She has a bad habit of doing this.

“Sorry,” she says, swallows and drops her hand. “That was…probably weird…”

“Uh, no, it was…” Beau shakes her head, and Yasha can’t draw her eyes away from Beau’s parted lips until Beau clears her throat, and both of them automatically straighten in their chairs, turning back to their breakfast. “Um, you left your coat in my room.”

“Oh,” Yasha says distantly, and it almost sounds suggestive, the way Beau says it. Like an offer. “Yeah, I should…probably come get it.”

Beau nods, already standing and leaving her half full mug of hot cocoa on the table.

“Yeah, I’ll just be…just, whenever, you know,” Beau says, and Yasha watches her leave the room, can’t help but smile to herself as she turns back to her pancakes.

Ordinarily, she’d be opposed to leaving food behind, but she makes an exception, rises to her feet and follows Beau up to her room.

**Author's Note:**

> hiii im @nydoorinn on twitter and tumblr :~)


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